DYING DECLARATION

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 Chapter 5

Perhaps it was because we both knew that she would be leaving soon, and that we had missed some time last night when she had to sleep in another room, but the "massage" didn't last long.

Only seconds after her hands began making oily, circular swipes across my bottom, Raquel let her fingers slide sensually between the fissure of my buttocks, and tease the flesh within. I let her explore me that way for a short while, and then turned onto my back.

"Get out of those clothes," I said to her in a heated whisper, even though I knew Gina and Brian were outside.

"That was my plan exactly," she smiled down at me, pulling off the top, then shucking off the green scrub pants.

She started to lean down and kiss my breasts, but I held her gently by the shoulders. "Get on top of me," I urged. "Turn around and get on top."

"Sixty-nine, hm? Ok!" She said, punctuating her delight with a kiss on my lips. My chest began to thunder with excitement as I watched her position herself over me, and then settle down, her young womanly treasures open right above my face. I marveled at what was happening again. We had missed last night, but it was time to make up for that now. My hands went to the smooth globes of her butt and massaged them briefly as she eased herself closer still, her scent enveloping me, taking my already passionate state to even greater heights. Suddenly her tongue was licking around my vulva, as if searching. Then it was more of a tease, as I bent my legs and she bathed the insides of my thighs with slow, gentle licks.

I lifted my head slightly and took her pudenda into my mouth, savoring it, spellbound by the gentle aromas of her body as my nose buried itself softly in that sweet spot between her pussy and her anus. The soft inner walls of her butt cradled my face as I nestled within and drew her flesh to me. She moaned and leaned back a little, so I could rest my head on the pillow and feast on her at the same time.

Why, I thought as I closed my eyes and took the slick riches of this young woman's body into my mouth, had I waited so long to do this?

She was moving her hips now, humping gently and my face was being wiped by her sex, my nose bumping and pressing against her puckered anus as it moved up and down with her motions. She pulled my labia apart and slowly inserted one finger inside me, as her mouth expertly sucked and toyed with my clit.

I wrapped my arms around my lover's beautiful ass, hugging it the way I hugged her when we kissed, and lavished her deepest secrets with a mouth I did not know could feel such hunger.

"Ohhhh... Susan... yeahhhhhh" she sighed deeply, in between the blistering tongue-lashing she was giving my clitoris.

Her lubrication was so plentiful I thought I could drown in it. And what a lovely death that would be. Far better than the one I faced. I gave her everything I could, coming up for air only when I had to, my face awash in her emanations. Every time she ground those hips into me, my face would sink deeper, it seemed, and I could feel her clit mashing against my chin and neck.

Suddenly she tensed, then shuddered, and I looked up to see, over the mounds of her ass, her upper body straighten up and her hair being tossed back.

"Ohgoddd..." she said, her body seized by slow-motion spasms. The heat of her slippery flesh flooded my face, and I was ecstatic that this young goddess was climaxing with my mouth glued to her center.

It didn't take much longer, with her finger in me and her incredible tongue teasing my clit, for me to climax as well, and my cries were muffled in the safe, delicious confines of her rear end, as I hugged her tightly and moaned into the now slickened cavern.

She let herself down on me, playing gently with my pubic hairs, her hair splayed across my thighs, her breath breezing rhythmically on my mound. My head was turned, my face resting against her inner thigh, mouth open as I slowed my excitement.

She finally climbed off of me, and slid up next to me, cuddling close. We held each other wordlessly, until I heard the sliding glass door open in the distance.

I sat up, and held my arms out. "Thank you, Raquel. This will have to be our goodybe. I'm certainly not going to kiss you out there."

"That would be a bad move," she agreed with a grin.

We fell into a gentle, warm kiss, but deep kiss.

"This," she said, looking down as she started to slide her arms into the scrub top, "was definitely..." She was searching for words, and she looked up at me, head tilted, her hair covering one eye, "... the most memorable, umm... outcall I have ever had."

I was grateful to her that she hadn't called it a "job" or referred to me as a "client" though I knew that's what it, and I, was. Outcall, though it didn't quite cover what we had done, would have to do, I suppose. Raquel, I realized just then, was going back to work. There were men to satisfy, many more dollars to be made.

She pulled the top on, and then stood.

"I sense that you had a good time," I said, "and that, umm, you didn't feel like you were working too much."

"I think I stopped working the moment we started kissing by the pool. The rest was just pure enjoyment, Susan."

I beamed at her. What a lovely girl she was, I thought. I didn't-couldn't-see her as a prostitute. As she pulled on the pants and the sneakers, I watched her and thought of all the things we did. I thought of her astounding, spur-of-the-moment acting skills, and I was at once awestruck, amused, and deeply grateful she had gone to that length to protect me.

"If you ever want to see me again, Susan," she said, pulling something out of her purse.

"I know. Angels on Call."

She shook her head. "No. Call me directly." She jotted down a number on an Angels business card. "My cell. Skip Angels. That is, if you want to see me again. Give me a 24-hour notice, if you can."

That seemed a bit odd, but I was new to her world, so what did I really know? Maybe, without Angels, she could charge less or something. I took the card and put it in my pocketbook. Putting it in the drawer was too risky, with a fastidious house cleaner like Gina around.

I rose, and put on a robe while Raquel did a quick hair brushing. I met her at my bedroom door.

"I hope everything... works out for you, Susan. If there is anything I can ever do, I mean if Gina and Brian aren't around and you need something... well..." She was looking so deeply into my eyes I was ready to melt and strip off her clothes and kiss her again. "You can call me. You're a very special woman."

I drank that in, and drank her in for one last time. "Thank you. You are too, and this was a very special event in my life." I kissed her again, softly, and our lips lingered on each other for a few seconds.

"Better get back to your family," she whispered.

"Yes."

"Bye."

"Bye, Raquel."

I thought I saw a glimmer in her eyes, and that they had filled slightly, but it could have been the low light in the room.

I cleared my throat, and opened the door. Gina was just toweling off her slender body and Brian was heading to the bedroom, his towel around his neck.

"Hi you two! How was the massage?"

"Ah, it was heavenly. She's the best, Gina."

Gina grinned as she leaned to one side and worked the towel in her ear and then her hair. "Awesome. Remember, Raquel, you must get me one of your cards. Send it through Mom, ok?"

"You got it," Raquel said. She thanked us for our hospitality, and she and Gina shared a hug. She called goodbye to Brian, who answered from the bedroom with a "nice to meet you!"

Then, she turned to me and said, "Well, guess I'll see you next week, Susan."

"Yes," I answered. But I felt suddenly sad. I wouldn't see her, not unless I hired her again. I figured the last "cover story" for Raquel that I would give Gina would be that she had to move away, or that the doctor had discontinued my massages, or whatever. I would think of something.

I waved to her as she got into her car and pulled away.

"What a sweetie," Gina said with a bright smile as she started cleaning up the living room.

"Don't clean up right now, Gina. I'm tired. I want to rest. You kids go out for a while. Drag Brian to the antique store."

Her smile faded. "You feeling ok?"

"Oh sure, honey. I feel fine, just tired, and I guess that massage relaxed me so much I just want to sleep for a bit. I'll be fine when you two get back."

The truth was, my body hadn't been through that much excitement, passion, and sexual workout since... well, I could not remember.

Gina, always wanting to please, agreed. I retreated back into my bedroom and sank into my bed sheets. I nuzzled against the pillow, catching a fleeting scent every so often of the lover who had dazzled my life with eighteen hours of bliss, sensual adventure, and yes, a little theatrics too. I smiled, tried not to feel Raquel's absence, and fell asleep deeply.

The next few days were odd. Something in me had changed, or maybe it was that with each fantasy I fulfilled in the last months of my life, I was a step closer to the afterlife. I didn't feel empty, like I thought I might after Raquel left. No, I felt invigorated somehow, energized, which was contrary to how cancer patients are supposed to feel. But something was unresolved too. Something was nagging at me, an arcane, blurry restlessness that I spent silent moments trying to define as I went through the now mundane events of my day.

I tried to break out of the steady, enigmatic tug by having dinner with a long time friend, Nancy. We went to a quiet restaurant and talked about a little of everything, and had a very nice time. I told her about all my plans, all my wild and daring adventures-- except of course, my secret fantasy I had so recently enjoyed.

"You know, Susan, you really look good," she said, reaching across the table to cover my hand with hers. "And I'm just not saying that, because you're my friend and because you're sick and I'm trying to cheer you up. You look... damned good!" She shook her head, laughed, and raised her glass of wine, and I joined her with a shrug.

"Here's to feeling good!" I said as our glasses clinked above the middle of the table.

And I did-but I didn't. It seemed like every time I stepped into the house, I was thinking of Raquel.

Now, what have you gone and done, Susan, gotten a crush on a young woman? I laughed at myself, but I couldn't shake the realization that every time there was a quiet moment, her voice and her touch were revisiting me. Every corner of the house reminded me of something we did. The pool, where we splashed and giggled like kids and then eventually made love for the first time... the kitchen, where she broke the jar, the den, where we played out her spanking fantasy, the sofa, where we cuddled and watched TV naked under the blanket. It was as if we had lived a lifetime of sensuality and intimacy in less than twenty-four hours, and that the feelings had been so profound, so powerful, so natural, that they were not fading with time.

Even while time faded on me.

It was a Friday afternoon, a little more than a week after Raquel had driven out of my driveway in her convincing green scrubs, and I was getting ready to go out for a late lunch with Nancy. I think Nancy was realzing that she should spend more time with me. And today was a perfect day to do it. I had spent the last two days lounging around, devoid of energy. When that happened, I tended to get depressed, thinking that the cancer was finally making it's big push, and that my days on my feet were numbered.

Today I felt better, and I wanted to relish with gusto each day that I could walk and laugh and spend some real time with a friend, before the time comes that she has to sit by my bedside and lean close just to hear me talk.

Tires on my gravel drive were crunching, and I grabbed my purse and sweater to meet Nancy. When I opened the door, there was Raquel, getting out of her blue Nissan sports car. I stood there, transfixed, and a little taken aback. What was she doing here?

"Susan," she said, smiling. Pangs, somehow related to that nagging restlessness, were suddenly rocketing through me when I saw her body come out of that car, like an angel hatching from a shiny blue shell.

"Raquel! What... how are you?"

"I'm fine... , " she said, stopping in front of me. She looked tired, or sad, I wasn't sure which. "... the question is, how are you?"

I didn't know what the etiquette was here. She was on her own time, but then, what was someone going to do-sue me? I held out my arms and she stepped into them, sliding her own arms under mine and up my back. Our lips met in a soft, brief kiss.

"What brings you to my little hole in the woods?" I said, trying to tame the electrical charges tingling my nerves, as her presence started to bring back cell memories in me.

"I just was... sort of in the neighborhood, and thought I would stop by, see if you needed anything."

If she were feeling sorry for me, I would have none of it. "I'm fine, Raquel. I really don't need a thing right now, but it's very nice to see you. A friend of mine is coming to-"

"Do you want to see me again?"

I stared at her for a minute, and then felt awkward. Is this what these call girls did-follow-up with "clients" to get them to be regular customers? Was the economy taking them down, too? Maybe she was hurting for money, with men less apt to spend it on luxuries like her. And oh, I thought, my mouth going dry, what a luxury she was.

"I... I don't want to say I wouldn't want to, Raquel, because that would be lying. It's just that, with my cruise coming up, and Brian and Gina needing money... I 'm kind of running out, and I--"

"I don't want to be paid," she said quietly, her eyes searching mine.

"And I don't want you feeling sorry for me," I said, regretting it the moment the words left my lips. It sounded harsh, and it apparently was, because her eyes were now filled with tears.

"It's not that," she said, her voice rising. "It's not that at all!" She was clamping her lips together, and her brows were furrowing, as if she were stifling the urge to cry. "Do you have any idea how often I've been thinking of you?"

"No... I didn't... I..." I smiled, but for some reason, I was feeling a sob starting in my gut too.

"Well, I do, goddamit!" Now a tear slipped from her eye, and darkened the dust on my tiled stoop.

"Raquel, I'm sorry... I've been thinking about you too. How could I not, after those two days? I'm just surprised, I didn't think you... you know, I just didn't --"

"You didn't think that a paid whore like me could feel something for someone? Right? Is that it??" Tears ran freely down both her cheeks now.

"Raquel, I don't think of you that way!"

"I love you!" she belted out, hoarsely, through her tears.

The words hit me like a shotgun blast. It couldn't be... she doesn't... she couldn't... she mustn't! My head spun, and my heart, well my heart just melted. I didn't even feel the tears on my cheeks until one hit the corner of my mouth, and seasoned my tongue with salt.

"I love you, Susan..." she sobbed, throwing her arms around me.

I put my arms around her and held her quivering body close to me. "Raquel," I said, my own voice fractured with emotion, "I'm only going to die and leave you alone."

Her head shook from side to side against my shoulder. "I don't care... I'll take care of you, and I'll be with you until the end."

And I collapsed in sobs. Because I loved her too, and I couldn't bear to think of me abandoning her.

We held each other like that on my front doorstep for what seemed like an eternity, our tears staining each other's clothes, until the cell phone in my purse rang.

"Susan, hey it's me."

Nancy.

"Hi Nancy..."

"You sound kinda tired... look I'm running late, you ok?"

I looked down into Raquel's eyes. "Nancy, let's call it off today, hon. I'm having a bit of a downturn. Don't worry about me, I just need to rest."

She asked if she should come over, and if I needed anything done.

"No, no... just let me get some sleep, and I'll be all right. We'll talk later?"

"Ok, hon, if you're sure."

"I'm sure. Thanks, Nancy."

I closed the cell phone, and Raquel, her tears now under control, studied me. I turned and opened the door, and reached down and took Raquel's hand.

Then I led my young lover into my home again.

"Make yourself at home. I think you know your way around," I said with a soft smile.

She turned to me, as she slowly undid the front of her blouse, slid her arms out of it, and let it fall to the floor.

"Yes," she whispered, reaching back and unfastening her bra, "I do."

CHAPTER 6